Last night, I went to bed in Houston as a vigorous man in his 40s. This morning, I woke up a doddering idiot in my 50s. Well, maybe I was doddering because I had only 3 1/2 hours of sleep.
Anyway, when you hit a life milestone such as this, you sometimes search for some eloquent and profound thoughts to guide you, perhaps in song or in literature. Mine were provided by a thoughtful reader.
When I rose and checked my e-mail, the following stood out in my inbox. I reprint it here in its entirety, so none of its nuances are lost:
TITLE: "Can you be any more negative?"
TEXT: "Hey Schulman, is it a pre-requisite for your job to be a negative jackass ALL THE TIME? I'm a Giants fan, so I am forced to read your pathetic dribble daily unless I choose to read the San Jose Mercury, which hurts even worse. Are you a born pessimist or are you supposed to rain on everyone's parade daily? Ever thought about saying anything positive? Oh yeah, I forgot you grew up in LA. I got an idea for you...go back to LA you Dodger loving moron!
"It is painful to read your negative bullshit every day. I usually like reading the sports page because the rest of the news is usually depressing and sports is supposed to give us hope in a world where it is hard to find just that. Congratulations, you have finally driven me to chose (sic) another source for my sports information. I can't take your Dodger loving ass anymore. I don't need any of your negative and pathetic stories. How did you ever get a job as a sports reporter anyway? You belong on the obituary desk!
"A disappointed and no longer Chronicle reader."
I'll leave his name off. I wouldn't want his mother to run downstairs to her basement, where he lives, to scold him for his flavorful language.
And Happy b-day to my fellow April 8thers, Larry Baer, Gary Carter and Roland DeWolk, two of whom I really like.
:-)
Well, he still likes you better than the idiot from the Mercury, apparently.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, Hank. It's been a tremendous pleasure traveling the beat with you these past seven years.
And you will never catch me in Twitter followers.
:-)
I have been reading your posts ever since I became a giants fan, and I have always found your posts insightful and interesting! In fact, I have a very high opinion of the Chronicle's sports section overall. So, happy birthday, and keep up the good work! because people such as myself appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, ya Dodger-lovin' moron!! ;)
ReplyDeletepffft. who reads the merc anyway?
ReplyDeletehappy birthday, hank!
Happy birthday, Hank. I'm really enjoying this blog. :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Hank. Enjoying the blog even more than your dumb-ass, moronic, Dodger-loving reporting on the Giants. ;)
ReplyDeleteHenry, keep in mind that other Chron/Splash readers accuse you of being a mouthpiece for the organization. Like my crusty old j-school professors used to say, "when you're pissing off everyone, you're doing it right." The day you get a large group of people saying "right on Hank, way to tell it like it is" is the day you should consider a transfer.
ReplyDeleteAnd happy birthday, by the way.
Happy birthday. Good to see readers in San Francisco are just as rational as they are everywhere else. Keep up the good work with the Giants. The Sporting Green is my first click even before my own newspaper.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, Hank. I enjoy your articles, your blog posts, (both here and the Splash), and your tweets. I, too, am celebrating a birthday today, and will keep celebrating tomorrow at Opening Day. Have a great year!
ReplyDeleteThat's funny, I was just thinking the other day, "I wonder how old Schulman is? He can't be much older than me..."
ReplyDeleteps--Remember this: You may be getting older, but your profile picture always stays the same age.
Happy Birthday, Mr. Schulman. At least you are not an A's fan!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, Hank! I enjoy both your blogs and I'm even older than you! May you write (& kvetch) for many more years!
ReplyDeleteHenry--now that you've broken free of the shackles of the Chron you should link to my blog. Traffic is traffic, right my man? --Craig
ReplyDeleteoneflapdown77.blogspot.com
hit my email if you wanna link: bigflavor77@gmail.com
Happy Birthday Hank
ReplyDeleteDon't let that douchbag rubb you the wrong way. You are just a realist sometimes the truth hurts. Obviously he wants you to lie to Giants fans and say that aubrey huff is the next barry bonds. Well I must say your doing a great job and I enjoy reading your column you L A Dodger loving moron!! :)
Felicidades! This writer is the Tea-Party of the regular readers - full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
ReplyDeleteHenry --
ReplyDeleteAs a long time (50 years +) Giants fan long marooned in LA due to work, I greatly appreciate your reporting, insights, and commentary on the Giants. I've been enjoying your work since you were still the "new kid" on the Green Sheet trying to fill the big shoes of Jenkins and Keown. You write with style, verve, and a sly humor that spices up the stew of reportage like a shot of Tabasco.
Congratulations on reaching the half century mark -- and for starting this blog. Count me in as a regular here from now on.
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ReplyDelete