Sunday, June 27, 2010

No more left turns on the road, please

I can't stand political correctness. There are so many things we want to say but can't, even if they're obvious, for fear of jarring someone's sensibilities.

Here is a for-instance. We all know there is one minority group that absolutely does not know how to drive a car. But it's somehow wrong to say it even if we see it every day and the evidence is overwhelming. Well, I don't care about political correctness. I'm going to take this minority group to task right here, right now:

There is nothing scarier on the the road than a liberal.

You know what I'm talking about. You're driving down Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley with a hankering for a Top Dog. All of a sudden a '77 Gremlin cuts you off and starts driving 15 miles under the speed limit and you know what you're dealing with right away, because the back fender is jammed with 15 bumper stickers that say things like, "Get out of Iraq now," and "Make Marijuana Legal," and "Keep Abortion Safe."

All sentiments I agree with, I should say. Truth be told, I'm more liberal than conservative, but there must be something about those bumper stickers that weighs a car down to the speed of a limping turtle.

I have no use for those firearm folks who aren't all that thrilled with parts of the First or Fourteenth amendments but consider the Second Amendment sacrosanct, you know, the ones who would fight a law barring handguns in a kindergarten. But I'll get behind a truck with a gun rack because, by gum, I know the driver will accelerate to freeway speed on the on-ramp.

What is it about liberal drivers? Do they think the gas they don't burn by going from zero to 60 in three days will preserve the ozone layer for another few years? Do they view traffic laws as just one more attempt by "the man" to keep them down? Are they oblivious to the road as they mull their next hunger strike?

Tell you what. I have no use for Sarah Palin or these Tea Party demagogues, but if they can find the accelerator without having to look at the owner's manual, I might just have to sign up.


  1. You'll be happy to know that I finally traded in my volvo for a prius...(it goes a little faster)

  2. So true Hank. I immediately go into Red State Driving Mode to pass whenever I see the dreaded combination of stickers, "KQED" and "Keep Tahoe Blue".

  3. Haha! I have a Keep Tahoe Blue sticker, and a rather heavy foot. Of course, I am a moderate, and I am totally with you, Hank.

  4. Haha I've always wondered which part of their brain controls their speed limit? And what liberal power drove them to it? lol

    I once yelled at a liberal driver "Dude save a life, stick to your bikes" ~haha