Friday, April 16, 2010

Ten more things I think about when I can't sleep

1. Have you seen those ads for a new depression medicine called Abilify? That sounds like a word George W. Bush would have invented, as in, "We need to raise test scores in our schools to abilify our children for the challenges they face as adults."

2. How do fast-food cashiers keep a straight face when a customer says, "Gimme a No. 2 and super-size it?

3. In an era when I can go to Google Earth and see a satellite picture of myself putting baby powder on my toochus, shouldn't those castaways on "Lost" have been found after like one episode?

4. I might write a book about my life covering baseball in Israel and call it, "The Oys of Summer."

5. Why the iFart is not one of the 10 bestselling apps of all time is beyond me.

6. I wouldn't want to be a highway patrolman in 2060 when all of today's 20-somethings are in their 70s and texting while they drive.

7. I really need to do a Lexis/Nexis search and find out how many letters to the editor have been published in U.S. newspapers signed by Heywood Jablome.

8. There is really no way a person my age can explain the premise of "Mr. Ed" to a youngster today and not sound like a complete moron when defending why I watched it.

9. If all the vultures of the world formed their own nation, wouldn't the national anthem have to be "Carrion My Wayward Son" by Kansas?

10. I apologize for No. 9.


  1. Now I probably won't be able to fall asleep tonight because I will be wondering if Flipper was really a porpoise

  2. Henry, Item #2 had my 13 year old son and I laughing hysterically, while my lovely wife stood and watched us shaking her head sadly...

  3. Hi there, my name is Hugh Jass and I know that guy, Heywood Jablome.
    Oh wait, no, it's Anita Bath.
    My bad, I meant Mike Rotch.
    Great letter writers all.

  4. "Why the iFart is not one of the 10 bestselling apps of all time is beyond me."
    Well, isn't it? "Random Fart" was a fine desktop application in it's day, BTW. And certainly a few fart sound downloads can highlight a lazy afternoon or rain delay, Jon Miller should look into it...

  5. probably your best thread so far, keep it up.

  6. in fact, I just broke down and down loaded it. You just made my daughter a very happy little girl......